Happy 4 year anniversary!!

Wow! Tomorrow will my mine and Stephens 4 year wedding anniversary!! It is so hard to believe. The last few years have absolutely flown by! We have been through so many life changes in the last 4 years it is crazy. Buying our first home and completely renovating it, having (almost) two children, job highs and jobs lows and finally job changes. Going from a two income family to a one income, one stay at home mom family. (um this is really challenging!) A few weddings and sadly, a few funerals.
I'll just go ahead and say being married is hard. But if you are married to the right person for you, all the work in the end is worth it!
I count my blessings and thank God everyday for bringing me Stephen. He is truly the kindest, sweetest, most thoughtful, caring man I have ever known. He is not only the best husband I could have ever asked for, but seeing him as a Dad is amazing. Stephen is completely hands on and has been from the beginning. Diapers, feeding, rocking, bouncing, you name it, he was completely right along for the ride. When I struggled non-stop with breastfeeding, Stephen got up with me every single time I had to get up during the night for weeks and weeks and would coach and encourage me along.
We have struggled with a lot of things, but every struggle has bonded us even more and made us more of a team. I don't know if I could have gotten through any of it with out him. No matter what is going on, Stephen always know how to make me laugh and bring a smile to my face. He will bend over backwards trying to always make my life easier, and forever puts Benjamin and I first. I only hope I am as good to him, as he is to me.
I know it sounds silly, but I truly fall more in love with him everyday. How did I get so lucky, so blessed to end up with him??? I don't know. All I know is I will be forever grateful I went out for a bowling league in March of 2005, or I may have missed meeting him :)

The last 5 weeks...

Wow! Does time ever get away from me!! It has once again been a whirlwind of a month! Is it seriously May next week?? My due date is now just over 7 weeks away- so incredibly hard to believe that in less then two months, our little Anna will be here :)

We have continued to be non-stop since the end of March. The last weekend of the month, Stephen and Benjamin traveled to Charleston for a wedding and left me home all alone!! A weekend to myself??? Probably the first and last for a very long time to come :)
It was the weekend of my baby shower thrown by my dear friends- Erin, Kelley, Teah, Lessye and Anna. They chose a fabulous spot- Filo, a desert and coffee bar. We had cake, played some fabulous baby shower games and I was loaded up with tons of gear for our baby girl. It was just wonderful and I feel so blessed to have such incredible friends in my life, so excited to celebrate with me.
The rest of the weekend consisted of me laying on the couch watching movies and soaking up the last few hours of being completely alone. Not that I didn't miss my family, but since becoming a mom, I never take alone time for granted!

The following week Benjamin and I headed to Ohio for the next 12 days so Stephen could study for his exam (alone) and finish the last few things on the house.
Benjamin had a great time in Ohio, completely consumed with all of his Grandpas toy trucks and cars. Benjamin has definitely taken after my Dad with his complete love/obsession with cars, trucks, pretty much anything with wheels!! I see many many car shows, and monster truck rallies in their future :)
We also were able to have daily playdates with my dear friend Elizabeth and her two children, Connor and Brooke. Elizabeth and I have been wonderful friends since we were 6 years old and it warms my heart so much now to be able to see our own children play together! Benjamin had an absolute blast with them!
We also were able to spend the weekend with Grandma, my sister Melanie and her two children, Hazel and Linus. Benjamin loves his big cousins and they spent hours together outside playing in the mud and riding bikes. He was completely entertained!
We were back in Asheville the middle of April and have spent the last two weeks getting completely prepared for Baby #2. We turned Benjamins room into a "big boy" room and turned our guest room into a nursery. Benjamin absolutely loves his bed now and his construction truck comforter! My little guy is officially not a baby anymore!

I feel like it is time to take a deep breath now and enjoy these last few weeks of being a family of 3. Our life is about to get super crazy again and I want to hold on to these last few days of hanging out with my little guy and giving him all of my undivided attention. I know his world is about to get flipped upside down too and I want to make the most of every day we have before he has to share Mommy and Daddy with his little sister. I want to make the transition as easy as possible for him but I know no matter what it is going to be a bit of a shock. For now, I just want to give him as much of me as he needs.

Looking back......

For the last few days I have started to really reflect on the last couple years of my life. All the changes that have occurred since Stephen and I became parents, and watching in awe as our little boy grows up right in front of our eyes.
Stephen and I were pretty much newlyweds when we found out we were going to become parents. It was a bit of a surprise to both of us and it took a really long time for us both to wrap our heads around the fact that we were going to become parents just a year after getting married.
July 5, 2008 Benjamin arrived. He was two weeks late and I must say I was miserable. 70 pounds heavier then my normal weight and miserable. I literally ate my way through the pregnancy and it showed :)
My water broke the morning of our scheduled date of induction, so we headed on into the hospital at the appointed time.
Contractions never started on their own, so I was hooked up to pitocin to get things moving. Unfortunately the pitocin caused Benjamins heart rate to fall. But when they would take me off the drug, my labor would stop. About 5 hours after arriving at the hospital, my doctor told me I would have to have a c-section. I was pretty devastated, as I had planned on having a natural birth, no drugs, etc. Boy, so much for my "birth plan!
We were wheeled away for surgery and not long after our little boy arrived. I can honestly say that I was not one of those moms that looked at my baby and fell immediately in love.
I looked at him in the recovery room and felt sheer terror! "Oh my goodness, what just happened???" "There is a little person in front of me that is going to depend on me for the next 18 plus years!!! Can I really do this?"

The first couple days in the hospital were a total blur. Thankfully, we had a nurse to take care of all three of us, and besides attempts at breastfeeding, we really didn't have a whole lot of responsibility besides holding our baby.

When we were let go from the hospital 72 hours later, reality truly set in. We headed home with our little guy, feeling in shock again.

Our first 3 weeks were absolutely horrid. We made exactly 7 trips to the breastfeeding clinic at the hospital before I finally started to accept that I wasn't going to be able to nurse my child. I was devastated. After planning for a natural birth that never happened, this was the next most important thing to me. In my mind I had already failed miserably at being a mom and I had hardly begun.

I don't know if it was lack of milk, or transitioning to formula, honestly I still don't know what the problem was, but , if our boy wasn't sleeping, he was crying. And not just little mews. This kid screamed all day and all night. We bounced, rocked, walked, patted our way through those weeks and nothing worked. If it wasn't for a bit of reprieve from my mother in law and my parents, I really don't know if we would have made it!

Things started to get mildly better around the 6 week mark but our boy continued to be an avid cryer and a mild sleeper. Motherhood was not turning out the way I had envisioned in my head. It seemed everyone around had these perfect little angels and were having the best experiences. Was I the only one wishing I could put my baby back??

As the months went on things slowly but surely life started to get better. We found a babysitter, I went back to work part time and I joined a mommy group for support.

I realized a few months after having Benjamin I barely knew any other moms in Asheville and I really needed women to talk to who were going through the same thing as I was.

Joining the moms group was probably the best thing to happen to me. I made the most amazing friends and finally had people to talk to who were sharing in the ups and downs of motherhood. I felt I could finally be honest about how rough things could be and these other mommies could actually relate! I started to realize that being a mom might be hard for lots, heck maybe all women, not just me!

I don't know if it was the added emotional support but about the time our little Benjamin turned 6 months, things really started to look up. For the next 6 months we were able to work to get him to sleep through the night and the crying and constant fussiness slowly started to ease up.

When Benjamin turned a year old, it was a celebration for us all! Our little boy was 1 and we had made it through that first, that toughest year! It was truly an accomplishment for all three of us.

In my eyes, that is when things really took an upwards swing. I really really started to enjoy hanging out with this little person, and not constantly praying for the day to end so I could have a break.

I think Benjamin and I both grew over the next year and a half. He started walking and talking. He started going to pre-school and was surrounded constantly with lots of playdates and friends. He was turning into a little person in front of my eyes, and an amazing one at that! I began to see my boy was not only sweet and loving, but truly kind. He is full of energy and loves to laugh, and cracks me up constantly.

Yesterday Benjamin and I went to one of our favorite places, The Nature Center. We haven't been able to go for the last 5 months, as it has been way too cold. Yesterday was 75 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. As I am now 7 months pregnant, I warned my little guy I wouldn't be able to carry him around and he would have to do all the walking himself and stick near my side. He paid close attention and for the entire hour and a half we were there, every time we would move from exhibit to exhibit, he would slip his warm, sticky little hand in mine and stay close by. When we would go up hills and steps, he promptly got behind me to help push me along, as I am not moving to fast these days.

We had the most amazing day and it seriously brought tears to my eyes. We have come so very very far in the last 2 1/2 years. And I am beyond blessed by God to have such a wonderful, amazing little boy as MY son!! I am so in love with this little person I can't even begin to explain. I am finally starting to feel like perhaps I am doing an okay job at this motherhood thing after all.
What started out as the roughest adventure of my life has turned into the most amazing experience and gift I could have ever wished for! I love you so very much my sweet little boy!!

26 weeks and counting....

Ok I have been a complete slacker. Has it really been 6 weeks since I wrote anything?? Wow, has time been flying!
The last six weeks have been filled with a visit from Nana and Papa Spike, a visit to Grandma and Grandpa in Ohio, and a trip to the water park Coco Key. The rest of the time has seriously been taken up with working on our house, Stephen studying non stop for the PE and both of us collapsing into bed every night in total exhaustion.
With all we have had going on I have barely had time to digest that I am already 26 weeks pregnant! I seriously feel like the busyness of our life has kept me from even thinking about it. Which in all seriousness, is probably a good thing. I obsessively worried during my pregnancy with Benjamin. Convinced almost every week that I had some new and rare illness. It has been nice to not have the time to think or worry too much this go around.
Though looking at the calendar and knowing this baby will be here in 3 months is enough to make me have to catch my breath. Are we really up to the challenge of having two children? Am I ready for sleepless nights and constant feedings? I'll admit, I am pretty scared. After working for many many many months to get Benjamin to sleep, our sweet boy now racks up at least 10-11 hours a night and is always down for a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. It is quite lovely and I am so used to getting good sleep now, I think this is probably my biggest fear with the new baby on the way.
I also think how the heck am I going to juggle two kids? Benjamin gets all of our attention right now and I think it is going to be a bit of a wake up for him (and us.) Although I must say he has a fabulous imagination and plays super on his own so I am hoping that works in our favor.
But just day to day tasks like running to the grocery, library and dropping Benjamin off at pre-school, are going to be a whole new ballgame. I see my friends do it, I know it can be done, but carting around two kids with only two hands seems a bit of a task :)
All the fears aside, we are beyond excited to meet our baby girl soon. How amazing it will be to be a family of four and for Benjamin to experience being a big brother. I can hardly wait to see him with her! He is such a sweet little boy, I have no doubt he is going to do a fabulous job!

Our sweet home...

This weekend was dedicated to putting the finishing touches on our house "to do" list so that we can finally put it up for sale. Can't believe we are actually getting ready to take that step and start looking for something to better meet the needs of our expanding family. Stephen and I purchased our home almost 5 years ago. It has been a constant work in progress since the day we moved in. We bought the house at the height of the market, right before everything came crashing down. At the time, all we could afford was a total fixer upper, and that is what this house has been!! We have torn down walls, ripped up tons and tons of carpet, replaced siding, appliances, completely redone bathrooms. We ripped up a huge shed that sat in our back yard and re-did half our our back porch. I can' t even begin to count the hours we have painted, going from one end of the house to the other. We have had lots of help from our parents and some very close friends, but other than hiring someone to do the siding, we have done it all ourselves! I am so very proud of both of us, but especially my husband who has turned into a true handyman. He can install toilets, sinks, garbage disposals, you name it, he can do it.
Looking back at the years and time we have put in, it will truly be bittersweet to say goodbye to our first home. It has been such an awesome, though grueling experience, but we wouldn't trade it for anything. We have learned so much about how to "do it yourself" and really have seen our hard work turn into something we truly love.
But with all that being said, we feel really educated going into the purchase of another home. We do not want to do ANYTHING to it!! I want a move in ready, nothing to do put maybe paint, home. We are definitely not doing the fixer upper again!! Whatever we find next, we are going to go through with a fine tooth comb, to ensure that beyond cosmetic, we can move in and just relax and truly enjoy raising our family there without much work to be done :) Yes, exciting changes are definitely ahead!!

It's a GIRL!!

I think I am still in a bit of shock that we are actually having a baby girl!! We are all so excited and even Benjamin has been talking about his baby "sis-tah." Not sure if he completely gets it, but we keep talking about it in hopes of getting him a bit prepared.
For that last two and a half years we have been completely immersed in everything "boy." We have oodles of cars, trucks, trains. etc. That is pretty much all Benjamin ever wants to play with or talk about. I think adding a little girl to the mix in the Cook household is definitely going to shake things up a bit. And I can hardly wait! I have already been fantasizing about playing barbies again and cooking with an easy bake oven :)
Not that I don't love playing with cars. And we certainly do lots of art activities, reading, etc., but regardless I think it will be a wonderful addition to our already awesome family.

Also, I am officially 20 weeks pregnant today! Half way there!! It is so hard to believe and is completely flying by. We finally pulled out the camera and I had Stephen take my first belly shot of this pregnancy. With Benjamin we diligently took photos every 4 weeks but this time it seemed to just slip by. Think from now on we will try to do a better job of keeping the pregnancy recorded :)

What a wonderful weekend we just had!! 68 degrees on both Saturday and Sunday. We spent most of both days outside, enjoying sun on our faces for the first time in what seems like months! Saturday started off at Hands On childrens museum in Hendersonville. Next stop was dropping Stephen and Benjamin off at the park while I hopped over to a consignment store looking for baby stuff that we are in need of. I unfortunately sold many of Benjamins baby stuff last year as I was trying to declutter our home. Hadn't really thought out that I might need it again :)
The afternoon was spent in our backyard, followed by our usual Saturday night pizza and a movie.
Sunday we again headed out to the park and then hit up The Hop, a local ice cream parlor. I indulged my pregnancy cravings and ordered a banana split! I must say, it was amazing!! Still hard to believe I am almost 20 weeks along. We are officially on the countdown to our appointment on Tuesday to find out whether it is a boy/girl. Can hardly wait!